This won’t take time.

Everyone gets out of their tight spaces. Everyone has their problems. It’s good to watch people move on, hoping their lives are as happy as they show it. It’s been what? 2 years? Almost. Some things were just not meant to be.

Me, working, earning, learning, growing, enjoying blah blah everything. Happy? Yes? Completely? No one at this age really is. Single? You’d want to know this. I am, have been since. Done shit? Yep. Still the same kinda guy? No. Better? Only other people would know.

You, I don’t know. Happy, I hope.

There’s no subject here. Why this then? No reason at all.

Everything is different now. Everyone is growing. A mix of new and old people. Sometimes it feels fine, sometimes great, sometimes it’s just not bearable. All this is generic. I know some people will read this. God bless! Keep growing.

–That funny guy

Change

There was this note on the street the other day on an oddly burnt paper, that I found while walking around. I don’t think it was there by mistake, it was a suicidal note and it sounded serious. It wasn’t meant for anyone specifically, but it seeked a shoulder, so I tried to look around tried to relate, but I couldn’t really identify someone who could have left it there. The Watchman of the society , a young guy who carried his own burdens , on his usual rounds came by and asked me if I was lost, I asked him about the letter and he denied seeing anyone burning or throwing it there. So I just told him that if someone comes looking for this, let them know that I care about them and I’ll hear them out and help them out even if they’re a stranger to me, ask them not to lose hope.

The next day I went back and he told me about this girl, a beautiful one, not from the colony, who came asking for a piece of paper. He said that conveyed my message to her and she started smiling and left. I felt so proud of myself and as I was on my way home, I crossed the spot where I found the first note, and lying there was another, in the middle of the society road, labelled to “my helper” , one more note where she explained all her issues, her hatred for job, her love problems and everything. This time I waited for hours for her to come by to have a conversation but she didn’t, so I had to repeat the scene with the Watchman who was pretty annoyed by all my advices meant for her.

I explained it to him, how she could overcome her issues and I gave him my number just in case she needs someone to listen to her, he didn’t agree to help me out by conveying my advices and messages but I explained how helping her out can save her life. The next day I went in the house, the one outside of which she would leave her notes, and asked them if they ever saw a girl walking by, someone not from the colony and leaving notes outside their house. They said to me that no girls who aren’t a part of the society are allowed to come in here. I ran out and towards the end of the road was the Watchman, looking at me, smiling, crying ,adjusting his cap. He rode away to live the way I adviced him to. I walked home in silence. I don’t have the words..

I thought I was changing someone’s life, turns out, he changed mine.

The time I made sense.

Right in the middle of the room, a pale stare to the unknown fantasies. “life is a bitch, for sure”. It gave me health and then snatched it way, it gave me love then almost killed me for it, it gave me sadness and rarely took it off. But then I woke up and shook my shoulders, wearing off the grief, for the loss of happiness. Walked out my door seeing my family busy in their own stuff yet smiling at their first glimpse of me, showing signs of serenity. So I took my tea and tried to rethink, is life causing me pain or am I letting it? 

I walked out on the street waiting, got into a ride, a ride through my life. First I saw temptation, unauthentic happiness disguised as the life’s only good things, then I got dizzy while riding through the times when stupidity eroded logic for me to believe in fake things, later down the lane my ride broke down cause that’s all I did too, break down. Then I saw a light flashing at my face, it was the same lie, trying to persuade. As I looked at my past self and shouted at him to not do so, i could see myself walking towards the lies, giving into them.

Months later, I still stop myself and each day I give in, give in to a lie. A lie called love. A lie called forever and a lie called promise. So when the ride came to a halt and reality was ahead, I still saw a light flashing at me, it was the same lie, flashing green, and damn I was pulled towards it. But as the bruises tore up and as my soul screamed for mercy, my mind begged for peace and my heart surrendered to be in one piece, I took a second, blinked my eye and I could see the green turn to red. I walked into a fire too many times to walk in again and I ran away from the reality too many times to risk running again.

So I opened my eyes to my cup of tea, looked at a message on my phone and smiled to ignore, thinking of only one thing all the while “Not this time”  

And that’s when I realised, even though I was always trying to make sense, this is the day I actually did. 

Sometimes we have to forget what we feel, only to remember what we deserve.

Didn’t you?

“Jay, you and me both like her, what do we do?”

“Ram, I think I deserve her a little bit more than you.”

They fought all night, bruised too much,

The essence of a woman, felt as such.

She chose her friend Jay, even over  Ram,

Something to him, could never keep him calm.

Jay tried talking to Ram, tried to pass maturity,

But he touched him, like water to electricity.

Years passed, Ram tried proving his love to her never stopped,

Each new method and none ever flopped.

They broke up, Ram started to smile,

In the world of chaos, he finally sought a peaceful isle.

After he proposed to her, after Ram got married,

To the siblings house, his wife he carried.

Out in the balcony, stood Jay drinking,

What once survived storms, now started sinking.

“Ram, a woman like her are only blessed to a few”

“Jay, you left her on purpose, didn’t you?”

Cookie

They looked at the stars, “Let’s play a game.” He said,

They always played her favourite game, right after she was fed,

All his love in her, all of her’s in his head,

Together they slept and ate, together they read,

Now that she’s gone, everything here is as good as dead.

Hardly two months, the bond was too strong,

She was something he desired since way too long,

With her it was all perfect, nothing went wrong,

She was the best lyrics in his favourite song,

He’d choose her even among a huge throng.

She had to be sent away, she had to leave,

She’s gone now, he can’t believe,

He didn’t just take her in, she had him to conceive,

Suffocating times came back, she isn’t here to relieve,

No smile to hide ahead of that harmful itch of grieve.

The exuberant face, turned to pale,

A new ship in her life, now set to sail,

Took her in with dreams, all of them start to fail,

Now, he looks at the stars, “Let’s play the game?”, Biting his nail,

Thousands of miles apart, she starts wagging her tail.

I’m sorry cookie.

See through.

Smashed body, cut arms, damaged face and broken ribs. Roy lay there in the ICU, deep into the woods of the painful forests. His mind, alive in the memory of his accident. Two rooms away, Emily lied down, with a dislocated arm and leg. The city was in a bizarre after the terrorist attack that struck the concert.

Emily and Roy were close friends, Emily was dating Richard and Roy just waited for a chance. Just a few days ago they planned on going to the concert. All was fine until ‘jihad’ came between the love triangle. Massive bombings and gunfire struck the concert. Richard, who was with Emily a while ago, was seen running towards the exit by Roy while she laid unconscious below his feet. He ran astray and got some water for her. Around them, there were people being murdered and Roy was shot by one of the terrorists. His body jerked backwards as he fell few metres away. The wound was on his shoulders, so he still managed to put off the fire on her and picked her up in his arms and rushed as fast as he could. Just before him, another explosive shunned him to pass out. By the time he gained consciousness, the attack was over and over thousands of people were being carried by the ambulance. His back was shredded and there was no skin, a deep cut from the forehead slanting towards his right chin and 3 bullets in his stomach didn’t hurt him as much as Emily’s face with just a few drops of blood. He picked her up and quietly walked down till the parking and the officials resisted on taking him first, since he was as good as dead, but he punched the driver and sent her away first.

As soon as the van left, he passed out again and that’s how he was in the ICU. Richard was the hero for Emily, after all he took all the credit for bringing her in. Nobody who saw it, ever cared to mention the truth. Roy was an inch away from death and the last thing he wanted to see was Emily and Richard walking in together, Richard telling him about his brave story and Emily in tears of love for Richard,  but, his face was too damaged, so he had to see it through. And he saw it through with a smile, he saw it through with a tear, he saw it through, to his death.

Only if,

She got her family love only from her grandfather,

The rest of the constituents of the family tree didn’t even bother,

Nobody supported her except her “Granddad”

She was the victim to blame when the time came to gather.

Too much of pain at a very young age,

Anger and anxiety sought on the same page,

“Granddaddy help me once again?” she begged,

All the tears were stopped in there, like a cage.

Braveness like this was never seen before,

The paper of emotions struck by hate, then tore,

She begged for more love, and so did her grandfather,

But his love was all she got and not a penny more.

Other members of the ménage criticizing all along,

The usual harsh words ran by through her light like an overheard song,

They say that god gives happiness to those who have patience

She wondered what was taking him so long.

She was an orphan with her parents alive,

She was the only child, with brothers just five,

Grandpa was her beginning, grandpa was her end,

In the pool of peace she longed to dive.

To stop her from ruining her life, the old man stood by her side,

He was her brother, friend and also her guide,

She cried every time she thought about his sacrifices for her,

In front of others, her hobby was to hide.

When pain was not just not her cup of tea,

She didn’t just get the cup, she got its sea,

Oh she bleeds anger and screams in silence,

This was not how it was supposed to be.

Protests and riots storm her heart’s gate,

Any thing happy now was just too late,

Grandpa Grandpa was all she said,

She was his faith, he was her fate.

He whispered strong words into her ears,

He stopped her never ending tears,

There was only one thing about her Grandpa though,

He had been dead for twenty eight years.